Tonight I swayed back and forth in a dusk darkened room. Humming a quiet, made-up tune. Bending my face down to the little sandy colored head laying on my shoulder. To give a kiss. To give many kisses.
My late teens and early twenties – heck, even my mid twenties – were some of the hardest years of my life. Wrought with emotional turmoil and wonderings and longings and fears and dashed hopes and broken dreams. And yet they were the longest years of my life. So long. Dragging on long. Never ending long.
And then I met Matt. And we fell in love and married. And Isaac entered our lives. And time has suddenly started to pass at warp speed. The best years of my life. And they are flying by so fast I blink and miss memories. Is it part of the fall? Part of the curse Adam and Eve ushered into this world?
I swayed tonight. Hummed. Kissed. And shut my eyes closed tight, breathing in the smell of my son’s skin. I pressed the feel of his little body into the corners of my heart. The weight of him. The way my arms begin to ache…and I ache because I would hold him like that forever if I could.
Perhaps in Heaven we will get all the good years back. Time will be redeemed. Maybe time will just disappear. So that we can linger and relish and breathe in all the good and wonder and beauty. Of the best years of our lives.