on loan

I can’t escape the feeling.

Well,  reality is more like it.

First, that I don’t deserve Matt. His love. His friendship. Him.

Second, that he is not mine to grasp and hold onto. Which is so hard. Because I don’t even want to think of living without him again. Life before – how? 

Sometimes the fear of loss (which is so much greater and larger now than I’ve ever experienced) grips my heart as in a vice. Strangling. Arresting. Terrifying. I am just glad that God’s grace is greater than anything I could face in this lifetime. He has proven this.

But Matt is on loan to me. He is a gift straight from the hand of God. And just like many things that God does…it is a mystery to me. How Matt came into my life and when he did… not any earlier or any later. Just then. At the right time. At the best time.

The truth is: I love him so much. And I am blessed every moment of every day by how he loves me. So sweetly. So tenderly. So completely.

Yes, a loan straight from God’s hands. That’s the only explanation. And I’m treasuring every single moment.


2 thoughts on “on loan

    • Ellen, thank you for sharing this. I love how you used the word “celebrate.” I think that’s an awesome perspective! One of the ways I celebrate Matt is by intentionally speaking words that build him up and encourage him. What a privilege!

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